Ten Ways College Women Can "Lean In"

Tonight, I had the great privilege of speaking at the launch event of American University's new Lean In group! I shared with the students ten ways I felt they could "Lean In" as college students.  Regardless of your age, we can all reflect on how we can incorporate these ideas into our personal and professional goals.

1. Read the book Lean In

If you haven't read the book yet, you definitely should.  If you've read it, consider reading it again, or joining or starting a Lean In Circle.  You can also stay continually updated on the book's topics by signing up for the newsletters of organizations such as UChic, Levo League, Daily Muse, Bossed Up, or Learn Vest.  

2. Develop a self-care practice

I wish I started healthier habits earlier on in my life!  Figure out your personal definition of what wellness means to you, and create regular practices to live that definition.  Do you drink enough water? Do you eat healthy or know how to cook?  Do you exercise regularly?  How do you take care of your spiritual health?  Do you always use safe-sex practices? You can start to explore all this by visiting your campus wellness center.  Additionally, your campus probably offers free therapy sessions, so take advantage of this opportunity!  Read this for more ideas on self-care.

3. Go out into your city

Get off campus and visit your local community.  Do informational interviews with professionals working near your school.  Volunteer with a local organization.  For students in major cities, do a part-time internship during the semester.

4. Do an internship

You absolutely must do at least one internship during your college career! Ideally, you would do one per year.  I know this is difficult since many internships are unpaid.  However, in today's job market, a college degree, even with a 4.0 GPA, is not enough.  You need professional experiences to get hired after graduation.

5. Visit your career center

Please visit your career center at least once a semester.  Even if you feel you have maximized the center's resources, I guarantee you can always learn more.  Meet with an advisor.  Go to a career fair or recruiting event.  Your tuition is paying for this resource so definitely utilize it!

6. Run for student government

Approximately 42% of the women who currently serve in Congress got their start in student government.  I ran for student government and lost, but you can read here about how it changed my life forever.  I really want you to run for student government, but take this to mean I suggest you gain leadership experience.  Working as a Resident Assistant was one of my most transformational experiences (read my RA story here).  Start a club, or become an officer of a club.  Get promoted in your student job.  In addition to internships, future employers will want to see leadership experience.

7. Find a mentor

Mentoring is up, down, and all around!  A mentor is not just someone older than you. Connect with your peers.  If you are interested in a student group, talk to one of the officers.  Go to a professor's office hours just to discuss career paths.  Ask your internship supervisor to introduce you to a colleague.  Be proactive in finding mentors in your life.

8. FAIL!!!

Yes, I am actively encouraging you to fail.  In college, I sold feminist t-shirts online, but eventually the business failed.  I learned a lot from the experience.  Put yourself out there and take risks.  Even if you hate your internship, you will get a better sense of what you would love doing. 

9. Master self-validation

Become a self-confident person and fully responsible for your own fulfillment and happiness.  Don't be jealous and compare yourself to others, but celebrate other's accomplishments.  Don't depend on Facebook or Snapchat to feel good about yourself.  Don't depend on your partner to make you feel pretty.  Don't depend on your parents to tell you they are proud of you for overcoming challenges.  A way to start cultivating this attitude is to ask yourself daily, "What am I proud of from today?"  Consider answering this question everyday in a journal for a week.  

10. Give back

Sheryl Sandberg emphasizes how women need to support each other in order to make society better for everyone.  Be a mentor to a fellow student the year below you, or to a high school girl.  Donate to or volunteer with an organization.  Pray for others.  Practice gratitude.

BONUS POINTS (Unofficial #11)

Study Abroad

I wish I had studied abroad, so I really encourage you to do that.  If you can't, think of ways you can really stretch your comfort zone.  Learn a new language.  However you define it, somehow immerse yourself in a foreign or totally new environment.

Ten Years Ago Today I Realized My Vocation

 *The following may contain triggering language to survivors of violence*

As I get dressed up to go out and celebrate Halloween tonight, I sadly remember how after a night of similar festivities ten years ago changed my life forevermore....

Ten years ago, I awoke to my passion in life.  I realized my vocation was feminism.  For the past ten years, I have dedicated my career and personal mission to advancing the status of women in the world.  For the next decades of my life, I vow to continue to strive for those goals.

I was a sophomore and the fall of 2003 was my first semester being a resident assistant (RA).  On Saturday night, the all male dorm had a Halloween party. I was not officially on RA duty that night, but I went to celebrate.  I saw two of my female residents at the party and talked to them.  When I saw them again on Sunday morning, all of our lives changed.

I don't remember exactly how I was notified, but on Sunday morning, I was informed that two of my female residents were raped that following night.  I was close with these two women.  I knocked on their door, and walked into a dark room of heavy sadness.  The two rape survivors and a few of their close friends were sitting on the floor in silence.  The lights were off.  It felt as if someone had died and we had just come from a funeral. I sat down on the floor with them.  All I could do was just sit there and be with them.  Eventually, they shared their tragic details with me.

The women had been to the hospital, but one of them was still in pain.  Official RA policy restricted me from personally driving her in my car to the hospital.  But, I called up the RA chain and was given permission to go back to the hospital with them.  I waited for her in the emergency room.

I was in shock.  I was overwhelmed.  This was the first time in my life I was exposed to the violence women and girls disproportionately experience due to their sex.  How did this happen?  I knew one of the perpetrators.  He was in one of my classes, and I frequently had to see him after this case.  I don't think he knew I was involved with his situation.  He seemed like a good guy before this happened. I was shocked he was the rapist.

There was only so much I could do to help these two survivors.  The police were not helpful, and the women did not feel supported as they were interrogated.  How did I live in a world where such violence was a common reality?

Sadly, I soon found out that many of my other girlfriends and sorority sisters were also survivors of rape and sexual assault.  I felt deeply compelled to do something about this issue.  After this experience,  all of my volunteer and extracurricular activities were related to feminism.  I should have been a gender studies major, but ended up pursuing an M.A. in Applied Women's Studies at Claremont Graduate University.  The past seven years of my career have been working in the field of gender equality.

Earlier this week, I met up with a girlfriend in her early twenties who is trying to figure out her passion in life.  I shared this story with her.  For better or worst, through this experience, I clearly found my passion in life.  I am deeply grateful to these rape survivors and all the others who have shared their story with me.  I am so inspired by the incredible power survivors have to reclaim their lives and not give up. 

For those still searching for your passion in life, that's OK.  Be patient.  You never know where or when you will learn what it is.  I suggest volunteering or getting involved with different organizations and causes.  You need to learn what you hate to help figure out what you love.  Take new classes, and try to learn new skills.   Check out this previous blog post to find more resources for discovering your passion.

I can't help but end on an uplifting, perhaps cheesy note.  This video by Beyonce on World Humanitarian Day at the United Nations is one of the most inspiring videos I have ever seen.  I wish you all the best in finding and living your passion!

Resources for Rape and Sexual Assault

 Rape and Incest National Network

Bay Area Women Against Rape (the organization that provided resources to these survivors, and that I eventually volunteered with)

Break the Cycle

HollaBack 

V-Day 

National Network to End Domestic Violence