An Ode to My Mentor, Arnie Thomas

2012 Running Start Women to Watch Awards

My mentor, life coach, and dear friend Arnie Thomas recently passed.  I would like to share with you some of the invaluable lessons he taught me.  I can't begin to share all the wisdom I gained from him, but hopefully you can learn a thing or two.  He wrote regularly for Everyday Mentor, and I highly recommend you read his direct words there.

I hope someday you can find an amazing mentor like Arnie!  I pray that someday I can be an incredible mentor to someone else, the way he was to me.  Arnie touched the lives of many. 

If you so feel compelled, I am sure Arnie and his family would be most grateful if you considered making a donation of any amount in his honor to Running Start, the organization that we served together on the board of directors.  I'm so grateful to Running Start for bringing Arnie into my life.  Thank you very much for giving back to Arnie's dream of empowering women leaders!

What Arnie Taught Me

"What Can I Do to Be of Service to You in the Future?"

Arnie embodied Dale Carnegie's philosophy of putting yourself in someone else's shoes.  He taught me to always, without hope of personal gain, offer myself to help others.  When sending emails to others, he told me to end with the words, "Please always let me know how I can be of service to you in the future."  When interviewing for jobs, he encouraged me to ask the interviewer, "What is your biggest challenge?  How do you see me helping with that?"  Everyone has a challenge they are dealing with.  Try to figure out what that is and how you can assist them in that endeavor.  The best way to grow in your success and happiness is by helping others.  Together, we can make the world a better place. 

Be Vulnerable

One of my favorite Arnie lessons was when he encouraged me to listen to Brené Brown's Ted Talk about The Power of Vulnerability. Arnie taught me that to be vulnerable with others was a strength and not a weakness.

Be an Avid Reader

Arnie was a demanding coach!  Each week, he gave me a book to read that we would then discuss.  Reading is one of the best ways to stay on top of trends and reflect on your growth. 

Recognize Your Bad Habits & Cultivate New Habits

One of the best books Arnie made me read was The Power Of Habit - Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg.  I now recognize my triggers for bad habits and how to create incentives to modify that behavior. 

Classy is a State of Mind

Arnie taught me that no matter where you come from in life, you have the choice to create new possibilities for yourself.  First and foremost you must respect yourself, and not settle to be treated any such less by others.  If others no long serve you in this way, you need to let them go.  You are not obligated to persist in unhealthy relationships.

How to Find a Mentor/Coach

Arnie and I met while serving together on the board of Running Start, a national nonprofit preparing young women for political leadership.  I really liked him the moment I met him, and always knew I wanted to get to know him better.  At the time we met, I worked for a women's leadership nonprofit, and we were starting a mentoring program.  I knew he was an expert on mentoring, so I asked him to coffee and he shared his advice with me.  I then invited him to a networking reception for our organization.  I continued to see him at board meetings, and always smiled when I saw him.  He exuded positive energy.

It wasn't until about a year after casually knowing him that we entered into a more formal mentoring relationship.  I had entered a period of significant personal and professional transition, and knew I needed help.  I was going through my mental Rolodex of my network to find support and Arnie came to my mind.  I asked him again to coffee to seek his wisdom on how to navigate this new hardship.  He suggested we work together formally and he offered to be my life coach.  For a period of about seven months, we met almost weekly in the halls of the Willard Hotel or at Bistro Bis. Arnie was always nothing but class!

I can't emphasize enough the value of making the personal investment of time and money to work with a life coach.  I have had many other mentors and am indebted to them, but engaging in a formal, regular mentoring relationship through coaching yields different results.  For all the money you spend on yourself on Starbucks, clothes, and manicures, a more long lasting investment would be working with a coach!  You can only take yourself so far in your personal development.  You need the help of another to teach you what you don't know that you don't know.

Arnie believed in me during a time when I did not believe in myself.  He taught me ways to be self-sufficient for my personal happiness and well being.  I couldn't be where I am today without his support.

In terms of choosing a coach, I recommend finding someone who shares your values, but also is distinctly different from you.  Like me, Arnie was a feminist, and also a Catholic.  However, I feel I highly benefited from working with a male coach.  I have always worked in female dominated workplaces, and the vast majority of my personal and professional network was female.  Having a trusted male perspective was extremely helpful!

So if there are people in your life you admire, respect, and want to get to know better, just ask them to grab a coffee.  It could lead to a life changing mentoring relationship!

Learn more from Arnie!  Check out the resources below:

What Makes a Good Leader? Vulnerability, Compassion? Meet Arnie Thomas, a Mentor Helping to Make a Difference

Everyday Mentor

So You Want to Join a Nonprofit Board?

Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed the holiday season.  As I talked with girlfriends about their New Year's resolutions, many of them mentioned wanting to give back to their community, and I suggested these women join nonprofit boards.  The process of joining a nonprofit board can be very confusing, so I seek to clarify that here.  You are never too young to join a nonprofit board.  At this moment, you have valuable skills that many nonprofits desperately need.

So what is a nonprofit board?  

The board of directors of a nonprofit is basically the governing body of a nonprofit organization.  They provide the strategic oversight to ensure the long-term fulfillment of the organization's mission.  Unlike corporate boards, board members of a nonprofit are usually not compensated financially.  In fact, most often, nonprofit board members are expected to donate a certain amount annually, in the idea of "write" or "raise."  For example, an organization may ask you to personally "write" an annual donation, or "raise" that amount through your personal and professional networks.

The board members are ultimately financially and legally responsible for the organization.  In most organizations, they work with paid staff members to guide the organization through growth and transition.  But don't worry, nonprofits have Directors & Officers insurance (D&O) to protect individual members from financial or legal harm.  So when joining a board, ask about their D &O. 

As a board member, you are expected to support the organization in a number of ways.  You will be asked to attend regular board meetings, often on a quarterly basis.  You may join a specific board committee to contribute your skill set with the organization.  You may be asked to attend program events to support the organization, and possibly host events to recruit your network to get involved with the organization.  As mentioned above, fundraising is one of the most important requirements of a board member.  But don't be afraid, there are many different ways to raise money, and this is an invaluable professional skill transferable to all trades.

Why should I join a board?

The number one reason to join a nonprofit board is because you care about the cause the organization serves.  You want to give back.  Did you love running clubs in school?  Did you love volunteering and getting involved with your community?  Then your next step is to join a nonprofit board.

In addition to helping others, serving on a nonprofit board has tremendous professional benefits.  Look at the biographies for people you admire.  I bet you they probably have board service included in their bio.  Boards can also allow you to develop skills you may not be able to get in your day job.  You can explore new passions, expand your network, and gain transferable leadership experience.  As you progress in your career, I'm sure you will want to join the board of large, prestigious organizations.  To get there, you need to start now.

How do I join a board? 

As with many things in life, networking is key to joining a nonprofit board. I was 24 when I first joined a nonprofit board.  The year before I officially joined the board, I ran for a seat on the board of the Women's Information Network and lost the election.  I stayed involved with the organization, took on volunteer leadership roles, and won my election the next year.  Since that experience, I have served on many other boards, and I am proud to currently serve on the board of Running Start, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering young women to run for office.

For all of my board opportunities, I was previously involved with the organization.  I joined one organization as a volunteer grant writer, and three years later joined the board.   With another organization, I invited someone from the organization to be a guest speaker where I worked, and then they invited me to be a guest speaker for their organization.  Many organizations working with youth or young professionals are very willing to have younger people serve on their boards.  However, even larger organizations are seeking to recruit diverse talent, and are eager for young professionals to serve on their board.

So for some organizations, you need to run for a position, but for others, you need to be recommended by a current board member.  It helps to have donation history with the organization.  When you are a board candidate, they will check if you have been giving to the organization for some time.  So even if it's $20 annually or monthly, start donating now.

What organizations are you currently connected to?  What can be a next step for you to get more involved?  What organizations are you not currently connected to but would like to learn more about?  Sign up for their newsletter or attend one of their events.  Talk to your friends and colleagues who serve on boards for their advice.  Check out Board Net USA, which lists current board vacancies. 

You are qualified now to serve on a board.  Young people are very underrepresented on nonprofit boards, but we have so many skills and experiences to share.  As you start the New Year, make time for volunteering and giving back to your community!  

Additional resources to check out:

BoardSource

Volunteer Match

National Council of Nonprofits

Idealist

The Bridgespan Group

Back to School for Everyone

Now that we are fully in the back to school mode, what does that phrase mean to you?  Have you started your undergraduate or graduate degree?  Have your kids gone back to school?  Are you studying for the GRE, LSAT, or GMAT in hopes of applying to graduate school this year?  Are you preparing for your architectural exams?  Are you thinking of finishing your degree? 

Back to school can mean many different things to many people.  How are you pursuing continual education, either formally or informally?  We are never too young or too old to learn new things.  Have you wanted to learn a new skill or language?  Below are some ideas on how you can continuously learn and grow.  Take advantage of this time to create new opportunities for yourself.  Please post additional comments on how you're going back to school!

10 Ideas on Going "Back to School"

1. Take a class.  Check out free online courses such as Coursera or Udacity. Does your city offer free or affordable classes at recreation centers? 
2. Learn a new language.  In the Washington, DC area, I have taken affordable language classes through the Graduate School and the GLN.
3. Join a professional membership organization.  Click here for a list of DC women's professional organizations.  Do a Google search for organizations in your area.  Search "women" and your specific interest such as "government relations."  Or, do a search for "young professional" and your specific interest.
4. Join a book club. 
5. Join a Meetup group near you to explore new interests and meet people who share your passion.
6. Go to your local library and check out some free books!
7. Participate in webinars and join listservs to stay current in your field.  Click here for a list of nonprofit career resources.
8. Find a mentor or career/life coach who can help guide you through your next step.  Also consider how you can mentor someone else.  Mentoring is up, down, and all around.  You are never too old or too young to be a mentor, and to be mentored.
9. Pick up a new hobby.  I took affordable golf classes in DC through DC Golf.
10. Visit a museum.  Learn more about history in your area.