30 Main Lessons I Learned Before My Thirties

My 30th Birthday Celebration in San Francisco

Below are lessons I learned predominantly in my twenties. They are mistakes I made, and obstacles I overcame.  They are things that I am proud that I did.  Many of them, I wish I had done earlier on in life.  Many of them, I am still working on.

The first op-ed I ever published was "Advice for the Young Women of UC Berkeley." Similarly, I wrote this list below, and included links to other blog posts I've written on these topics. My sister is about ten years younger than me, and I dedicate this list to her and other young women and girls.  These are my wishes for them as they experience the highs and lows of your twenties.

1. Learn how to love yourself.
2. Your job title is not your identity.
3. Your romantic status is not your identity or happiness.
4. Take the Landmark Forum and complete the Curriculum for Living.  Learn how to be responsible for your words and actions, and moreover use this power to create new possibilities for your life.
5. Get a therapist.
6. Define what happiness and success means to you in terms of romance, sex, health, wealth, career, etc.
7. Fail, fail, fail, and then take the risk again.
8. Identify your personal and professional strengths and weaknesses.
9. Embrace being alone, and travel abroad alone.
10. Take on leadership opportunities and stretch assignments.  Volunteer and gain new skills.
11. Work with a coach. Develop relationships with mentors.
12. Give back to others, especially girls and other young women.
13. Identify your coping mechanisms, both good and bad. Develop regular habits for self-care.
14. Forgive yourself.
15. Identify your dreams and make progress towards them.
16. Go to Burning Man, or your personal form of it.
17. Solidify your spiritual practices, which probably means exploring new ones you weren't raised with.  Or, if you choose not to have a spiritual practice, firmly own that decision.
18. Apply to tons of jobs/graduate schools/programs/awards/etc. and develop resiliency to rejection and an appetite for risk.
19. Develop healthy exercise routines, and learn how to cook healthy.
20. Save enough money in case you lose your job, or have to move quickly.
21. Love, and at this age, it's totally okay to get your heart absolutely broken.  It's the best way to know you're alive.
22. Develop habits for personal organization such as a clean room and time management.
23. Have lists of what you want by the age of 30, but be flexible and kind enough to yourself if these all don't come true by then.
24. Live in different places.
25. Learn how to meditate.
26. Buy a one way international flight less than a week before departing for a solo trip.  Or, make a quick decision to finally make one of your dreams really come true with definitive action.
27. Constantly seek out professional development opportunities and training programs.
28. Develop a personal support community and a professional network.
29. Develop a personal brand and share your voice.
30. Carpe diem and enjoy your life! Your twenties are for learning, growing, being irresponsible, and making mistakes!

An American Feminist Listening to Rwandan Feminists

After traveling over 36 hours, I quickly checked into my hotel and showered. I then ran off to a women's empowerment panel at a cute cafe on top of the Kigali Public Library, overlooking the beautiful hills of Rwanda. For my entire professional career, most of my weeknights are spending organizing and attending similar panel events about women's leadership. It was such a cool opportunity for me to start my vacation doing something so familiar to me. I was so eager to listen to what the women had to share, and very curious to hear if the narrative of feminism they shared was similar to that in the United States. Overall, it felt the same, and I learned so much from this rare opportunity. I left feeling empowered and connected!

I came with an open mind, trying hard to remove whatever biases I may hold and to listen with no expectations. I was the only visibly White person in the entire room, which consisted predominantly of young Rwandan women and a few men. I very much recognize the tremendous privileges I had as a White American woman who had the financial means to travel so far. I assume many of the other women in the audience were young professionals. I wondered what topics would be discussed. Were the challenges these young professional women were experiencing any different from those myself and my peers in the States were experiencing?

The narrative of feminism they used sounded just like the one I hear back home. Many of the panelists and audience members explicitly used terms such as feminist, patriarchy, and reclaiming. The main themes were owning your power and building a sisterhood to support other women and girls as we each individually grow in our leadership. Topics shared included confidence, body image, female relationships, marriage, abortion, and sexual harassment. Many of the comments included an intersectional approach, inclusive of various sexual orientations and socioeconomic statuses. Many also recognized their urban and professional privilege and expressed a desire to support the advancement of rural women and girls in villages. Not to my surprise, I did not explicitly hear the phrase "women of color," which of course makes sense given the context of Rwanda. While in the States, in many feminist conversations, women of color, race, and ethnicity are increasingly being mentioned, I didn't notice this in the comments at the event. Overall, the stories shared by the panelists and the audience members deeply resonated with me as I too struggle not only to empower women everywhere, but also myself. Check out #GirlTalkinRwanda and #GirlsTalkinRwanda to learn more about what was discussed.

Rwanda is the #1 country in the world in terms of having the highest percentage of female Parliamentarians. I was very curious to hear how or if this would come up during a women's empowerment event. It was mentioned a few times and mainly with frustration. Those who shared explained that they wanted their female Parliamentarians to do more for women and girls. It also seemed that these Parliamentarians were much older than the women at the event. I hope more young women run for office in Rwanda soon!
Attending this event affirmed my hope that women all over the world are finally stepping into their power to change the world for the betterment of everyone. At this very moment, women and girls in most countries have more rights than they have ever had before. Of course, and especially now in my country, we must defend those rights daily, for they can be taken from us at any moment. However, I will continue to believe that empowering women leaders and those from other underrepresented communities is the best way to change the world.

Thank you to Girl District and Innovation Village for hosting this amazing event! Special thanks to the truly inspirational panelists, Judicaelle Irakoze, Founder and Director of Choose Yourself and Abigaelle Closet; Tricia Twasiima, Ugandan Feminist Lawyer; Aline Kabanda, Country Director, Akilah Institute; and Julian Ingabire Kayibanda, Country Director at International Child Resource Institute.